My young adult
years were greatly influenced by my youth minister, my Christian higher
education, my BSU director, my parents, James Dobson and Focus on the Family, Bill
Gothard and the Institute of Basic Youth Conflicts, early contemporary music,
Continental Ministries, St. John Medical Center psychiatric units where I
worked as a counselor, pastors I served under, and probably most significantly
the churches I served in. And it’s taken me fifty years to realize that not
every one of those influences were always good or right…or right for me.
I've questioned,
pondered about, and in general wrestled with many ideas and beliefs as I stepped
back from the expectations of the American church and my early influences. There are some things that I simply asked,
"Why,” saw the reason, then thought, "Oh, ok," and nothing
changed. Some things I've always had a check in my spirit about but refused to
question because, well, it just wasn't the thing to question growing up in a
conservative evangelical denomination, and then as a minister in the same. Yet
other things popped into my horizon after my ministerial exodus that I simply
couldn't avoid dealing with and coming to a new understanding about.
Here’s a list off the top of my head of some of these
things:
School prayer.
Divorce.
The words of Christian
teachers, preachers and authors.
The apostle
Paul.
Public prayer.
The Free
Grace/Hyper-Grace movement and legalism.
Being vs. doing.
Inerrancy,
infallibility and literal belief of the Bible.
Homosexuality.
Church
leadership.
Politics and the
church.
Worship and
worship services.
Serving in the
church.
I’m sure this list
is incomplete and will grow with time. But it gives you a peek into some of the
arenas I’ve journeyed through.
No, I have not
turned my back on my faith, or my God. I simply believe that only bullheaded,
stubborn, hard-hearted fearful people are afraid to examine their hearts, their
past, their histories, their influences, their beliefs, and change if God leads
them to do so.
Periodically I’ll
take time to wander through each of these questionings. I hope I don’t bore
you, and I hope it causes you to come to a better understanding and a closer
relationship with our loving God.
